I came back from vacation last summer and the first thing people said was ‘you look so relaxed!’. Well, yes, I’ve just had an extended break from the day to day reality of work, school runs, chores and everything that comes along with daily life. Naturally, it is so much easier to feel less stressed out when you are on vacation – that’s why we do it. I got to be released from the pressure of feeling like I had to do anything. No one was setting deadlines or asking for anything apart from the odd ice-cream (side note – the best ice cream ever might be at La Martiniere in Ile de Re, France). I could feel my jaw unclench and see my shoulders drop.
Contrast that with the feeling that I experienced the first night back home when I knew that all the task I had put out of my head now needed to be dealt with. I literally could feel the humming of anxiety start to buzz through my body. Jet lag meant that I dwelt on my ‘to do’ list in the wee small hours and drove myself a more than a little crazy. Now, the reality is that nothing on my list was remotely difficult but I felt myself slipping back into that old, familiar pattern of worrying. That is exactly what this is: simply a learned pattern of behavior.
Good technique for shifting out of negative behavioral patterns
When you feel suddenly stressed out, whether in the middle of a meeting or lying awake at 3 am, here’s a quick, easy technique to try:
- Take a deep breath, in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth
- Close your eyes for a second
- Think of a moment from a vacation you have taken where you felt most at peace.
- Engage all your senses: Picture what you could see, what sounds you could hear in the background, what smells were in the air, what sensations you felt on your skin.
- Put yourself fully back in that moment and remember how it made you feel.
- Let your whole body feel those sensations.
- Take another breath and rejoin the present moment.
It can take a little bit of practice but once you get the hang of it, you can do this in a couple of seconds. All you are doing is breaking a set pattern of behavior and resetting your body and mind to feel relaxed.
Reinforce that feeling of calmness
The technique above is good for ‘on the spot’ moments of stress. Another good way to keep that vacation calmness is to have tangible reminders around you wherever you work.
- Try printing out a photograph of the spot that is your ‘happy place’ and sticking it to your computer screen or on your desk.
- Listen to the songs that you listened to on your trip.
- Place an object you picked up on vacation somewhere in your work environment.
The purpose is to have something that triggers a state of being where you felt calm and relaxed and you are reminding yourself that you can feel like that. It is within your control.
Personally, I picture a moment where my family and I were cycling in France recently. We are near the coast and the light is almost translucent, pale but bright. The wind is warmly blowing and feels good on my skin. I can hear my children laughing and chatting to my husband. I can smell salt and seaweed. I can see the path ahead leading down to the blue, sparkling sea.
And I breathe.
The picture at the top of this article is of my happy place.
What’s yours?